Availability

Mindfulness in Buddhist terms consists of being aware of one’s thoughts and actions in the present moment. Those who seek to practice mindfulness spend years meditating in order to clear their mind of distractions and barriers that would keep one from being aware. The early Christians (Monastics and Desert Fathers) wrote of being alert to the Spirit of God and awake to the Spirit’s movement and direction. In response to others, the early Christians spoke of the practice of hospitality, or availability to others. Within the tradition of psychotherapy, the concept of emotional availability enters the picture. In other words, when I am in the presence of another person I attune to the other’s needs, wants, and desires rather than being distracted by my own thoughts and feelings.

To be in a state of availability is no easy task. There is a walking/biking trail near my home. One mile of the trail consists of a creek on one side and an open field of wild flowers on the other. When the weather is nice, I walk this trail on a regular basis with my three toddlers. I have been doing this since they were infants. One motivation for these walks is to help myself and my children become more mindful and alert to the world around us. I usually begin our walks by arousing curiosity – “I wonder what we will see, hear, and smell today!” Our walks have brought many surprises including snakes, frogs, butterflies dancing with the stroller, woodpeckers, and the occasional doe and buck eating flowers in the fields. As I became more alert on our walks, I began to notice minute details of an ever-changing environment. Each week brought about new and different wild flowers. The blades of grass changed colors. Caterpillars turned into butterflies. Rains changed the flow of the creek, and thus it echoed a new tune. And the smells – each season, each day, and each step brought a new fragrance. The more alert I became, the more curious I grew, and the more I desired to wake up and experience even more of the small details.

I do not notice the small delicate leaves of a budding maple tree when I am distracted by my mounting to-do list. Part of being available is surrendering control and to know that if I relinquish my involvement in the world, the world will still go on. Letting go of control requires us to loosen our grasp on our possessions, thoughts, and relationships.

Being available to others is no easy task. People are messy. To be emotional available to people is risky. We might get hurt. Being available is being empathic. In other words, I enter into another’s emotional experience. There are times of celebration and times of great sorrow. I allow myself to connect with another and suffer alongside the hurting soul. To avoid feeling another’s pain we may try to “fix it” and come up with solutions, but sometimes there are no words. It is in these moments where the presence of another becomes critical. If the other is emotionally absent their physical presence is of little comfort.

How alert we are to our world and how available we are to others is often a reflection of our availability to Christ. Am I still enough to notice the Presence of God? Am I emotionally available to Christ? Do I allow myself to know the suffering Christ? Do I allow myself in all my beauty and ugliness to be known by Christ? Availability is no easy task. It requires bravery as it might bring to light those aspects of ourselves we prefer to keep hidden in the shadows. It requires discipline and intentionality as we still our souls in order to be alert to the quiet whispers of God.