“Amazing grace that saved a wretch like me.” How many of us are willing to look at our own wretchedness? It is easy to point the finger at another’s obvious shortcomings rather than take a good, honest look at ourselves. Some of us are rather lucky – we can cover up our wretchedness and hide it from the scrutiny of society. Others are not so fortunate.
Over the last several months, I have had a few encounters that have left me pondering the idea of sin, judgment, and grace. A family friend became pregnant out of wedlock and a cloud of shame followed her. She lost her job because she could not hide her “mistake.” Her family thanked me for being so kind and understanding as if harsh criticism was the anticipated response. I had a second encounter with a woman who has struggled with obesity her entire life. She cannot hide her coping mechanisms – her body announces to the world that she finds comfort through food. Lately, I find myself thinking of these encounters and wondering how my life would be different if my own “mistakes” and shortcomings were open and obvious to the world around us.
There is a spiritual practice known as “the examination of conscious.” One obvious purpose of this practice is to identify areas in our own lives that need to be confessed, absolved, and forgiven. Recently, I have begun to understand another dimension to this practice, that being to increase our capacity for humility and grace towards others. When I take a look at my own ugliness I realize I am no different than anyone else, I can just hide it better than some.
Ever played the “what if” game? I do. I think about a friend of mine. We had similar obstacles to overcome and we both sought means to escape our difficulties. I chose the socially acceptable escape of church activities and she chose marijuana. We both got what we desired; an escape from reality and a high. My high came through singing and dancing, hers through chemicals. Our intent, motivation, and outcome were the same. We got a break from the world that annoyed us (my mom frequently thought I was using drugs at church because I came out of youth group so “altered.”) When it comes right down to it, I was avoiding pain, but because I chose church activities as my escape no one questioned my morality. Sure some of my motivation was a desire to know God, but if I am honest, this was only a small percentage. If my thoughts were exposed and obvious to those around me, I am certain I would have met the critics of society like my friend who chose marijuana.
Christ, in his Beatitudes talks about the “pure in heart.” The law was summed up as “Love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.” When I consider pureness of heart and the pursuit of God with the entirety of my being as the mark, well, I can say I have yet to attain it. My thoughts and motives always have some degree of selfish gain. If I am honest, I am a wretch in need of amazing grace. Who am I to cast the first stone at those with obvious blemishes?
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