Love without Possessing.

I am chewing on a new idea – loving something without possessing it. Possession of objects is obvious, at least to my preschoolers in their chants of “THAT’S MINE!” As adults, we work to buy our house, furnish with our stuff, and put our car in the driveway. And if we are not careful, our possessions soon own us. We work hard to acquire and maintain only to realize that we are too tired to enjoy our life.

Possession of people is far more subtle – “who gives this bride?” “my children . . . my husband; my church . . . my students . . ..” We acquire these people and then we expect them to look, act, and think like we do. I am confident most of us do not do this consciously or even intentionally. But let’s face it, we have dreams for the people in our lives and when they deviate from what we have deemed the path to accomplishing these dreams we grow frustrated. We buy our little boys “Daddy’s little quarterback” t-shirts in hopes they will be athletic. We dress our daughters in pink dresses and bows hoping they will become the feminine ideal. Or in my case, I remember buying my prenatal daughter a toy tractor and a soccer ball in hopes that she will grow to love nature and not afraid of getting sweaty and dirty. Despite my efforts, she is a foo-foo princess. We want them to live out our dreams and avoid our mistakes . . . because if they are ours, then their lives become a reflection of who we are and what we have become.

But to possess people, to claim they are “mine” diminishes their capacity to live out their lives as they have been uniquely created to be. To claim ownership is to devalue their individuality – they are ours, a part of us, rather than a being who uniquely reflects The Creator in a means only they can.

As a parent, I am not suggesting we do not discipline our children or provide structure and boundaries. That which does not reflect the character of God should be pruned and tossed away. What I am suggesting is that we help our children foster what is truly unique about them. That we help bring into light what sets them apart from others in order that they may better reflect The Creator who made them in His image.

My hunch is this also applies to the Church. We are not a cookie factory stamping out perfectly shaped, identical cookies. We, as the Body of Christ, are all unique. This is not to say we do not need structure and boundaries. As a Catholic, I find liturgy to be this frame. No matter where I go to Mass, be it Noblesville, Indiana or Munich, Germany, there is a universality – the Mass is the same, the liturgical seasons are the same, the beliefs are the same. But our individual call, our vocation is unique to each set person, in set time, in set place. Imagine if we as a collective Body were to listen quietly to that call and follow . . ..