When I picture the life I believe God has called me to live,
I see a woman who has dignity and respect for others. I see a woman who approaches those around her
with gentleness, grace, and compassion. I
envision a woman who is not ashamed of her faith; whose life is a prayer
offering. When I reflect on this image,
I am filled with assurance. Yes, I am
called to live this way. I fall way
short.
In reality, I am no different that St. Peter. I deny Christ and the life I have been called
to live. I sacrifice my identity, my
integrity, and my source of true vitality in exchange for a quick laugh and
fleeting approval from others.
Hello, my name is Heather, and I am a sinner.
Over the past several weeks, the theme of pilgrimage has
invaded my thoughts. It started with a
couple of movies, Into the Wild (about
a young man who wanders the country and finally Alaska living off the land) and
The Way (a film about the Camino Walk
in Spain). Then I read a fascinating novel, The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry. And to top it, while ironing clothes one
day, I watched a documentary on the Appalachian Trail.
I have sectioned hike portions of the AT and have dreamed
and pondered about thru hiking the entire 2500 miles. I daydream about the Camino and other long
hikes. There is something about
backpacking that brings me back to my core being. Perhaps it is the hours of quiet, or the need
to focus directly on the step in front of me that keeps my mind from wandering
beyond the present moment. Or maybe it
is the primitive aspect of roughing it that leads to a disregard toward
physical appearance or social approval. Regardless,
I often hear the trails calling me back.
It has been eight years since my last backpacking trip.
The trails are calling.
But this time, it is not to get back to nature. I am feeling called to a pilgrimage. Called to a journey; a path towards something
I cannot yet imagine. My situation in
life does not allow for me to abandon my responsibilities and start
walking. I am pondering what a spiritual
pilgrimage might look like. To create
space to focus on the step directly in front of me. Space to confront the part of me that seeks
social approval over a life of holiness.
Space to get back to my most primal source of life – God.
I have not left yet.
I am still figuring out what exactly this pilgrimage will look
like. Some things I believe it will
include are a daily examination of conscience as suggested by St. Ignatius and
reading the Daily Office (for my non-Catholic friends, this is Scripture
reading and prayer during several marked periods throughout the day). I see it including writing and a step back
from mundane entertainment and time-wasting/mind-numbing activities. I fear this is another one of my enthusiastic
ideas that have several days of zeal followed by an abrupt quitting. Consistency and sticking with an idea until
it runs its full course is not my strong suit.
In light of this, I need a clear destination (right now I am thinking
the Advent Nativity and the birth of Christ).
And I am likely going to need fellow pilgrims along the way. If not other pilgrims, then at least
encouragement and support from onlookers.
With that statement, this is now an invitation if anyone would like to
take a virtual pilgrimage with me, a person with no clear direction and no set
departure date. I invite your
companionship.
Sign me up for this pilgrimage that makes all things new! I'm also ready to hike the AT whenever you are ready! I promise to pack the sleeping bag and hiking shoes this time.
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