I believe my youngest slyly entered this world to teach me how to love and live life to the fullest. I say"sly" because she was "Twin Baby B." Twin Baby A was a boy, and with us already having a girl at home, we probably would have stopped trying to have more children. God had other plans and brought us the AMAZING gift of Maddie.
Maddie sees and navigates through this world opposite of my tightly controlled, organized, perfectionist ways. She will spend three hours cleaning her room on Saturday only to be unable to walk across her floor on Sunday. What I see as mess and junk, she sees as opportunity and the start of something beautiful. She collects everything that glittersand shines and then uses her treasures to create art and three dimensional worlds. She is friends with everyone and wears her heart on her sleeve. She needs ten hugs before I leave for work and an extra long tuck in before she goes to bed. She has a contagious laugh that comes from her toes.
Last night, as I was ironically finishing a book on shame, vulnerability, and parenting, Maddie was working her way through homework at a snail's pace. She was distracted by every little thing, unable to get some parts finished because she left the book she needs at school. We were creeping up on 9:00, 30 minutes past bedtime and still trying to finish homework. My frustration grew -- "Why wasn't this done over the weekend like I asked instead of waiting until now? Focus . . . focus . . . focus." Which under this message my thoughts exploded, "Why aren't you like me or anyone else in the family? Why are you not getting this? Why are you so slow!?!" I saw her little face fight back the tears. She tried to hide her sadness and shame, but her heart overflows with every emotion. There was no hiding this one.
And then I swallowed one big giant gulp of guilt realizing that I contributed to her shame and pain. My frustration spilled out. I was doing exactly what the book I finished said to avoid. Another big gulp and deep breath, and then I moved beside her. We finished homework and moved to her bed for a tuck in. She still needed to read, so I chose to lay down beside her as she finished the chapter. As I raked her arm, I could not hold back my own tears welling up. Deep breath in and out came the words, "Please don't change. Even when I become frustrated, don't change. Don't change how you see the world, how you draw connections where others see nothing. Don't change how you stop to actually take in the beauty around you. Don't stop putting relationships and looking for the beautiful ahead of every task." I wiped the tears away from my eyes and she looked at me and said, "And don't you stop being just like you." All was well in the world.
It is so easy to judge others who do not share similar values as me. So easy to want others to think, do, and prioritize like me. My fear is that my own judgment and criticism will stifle what is beautiful and creative about Maddie and the world will miss the blessings she has to offer. Her mind and spirit are a blessing -- it is the mind and spirit God gave her. My job as parent is to help her embrace her unique design and be a good steward of the gifts she has to give. In the meantime, she is teaching me how to live, love, and laugh with my whole being. I am forever grateful for the unexpected surprise of Twin Baby B.
Maddie sees and navigates through this world opposite of my tightly controlled, organized, perfectionist ways. She will spend three hours cleaning her room on Saturday only to be unable to walk across her floor on Sunday. What I see as mess and junk, she sees as opportunity and the start of something beautiful. She collects everything that glittersand shines and then uses her treasures to create art and three dimensional worlds. She is friends with everyone and wears her heart on her sleeve. She needs ten hugs before I leave for work and an extra long tuck in before she goes to bed. She has a contagious laugh that comes from her toes.
Last night, as I was ironically finishing a book on shame, vulnerability, and parenting, Maddie was working her way through homework at a snail's pace. She was distracted by every little thing, unable to get some parts finished because she left the book she needs at school. We were creeping up on 9:00, 30 minutes past bedtime and still trying to finish homework. My frustration grew -- "Why wasn't this done over the weekend like I asked instead of waiting until now? Focus . . . focus . . . focus." Which under this message my thoughts exploded, "Why aren't you like me or anyone else in the family? Why are you not getting this? Why are you so slow!?!" I saw her little face fight back the tears. She tried to hide her sadness and shame, but her heart overflows with every emotion. There was no hiding this one.
And then I swallowed one big giant gulp of guilt realizing that I contributed to her shame and pain. My frustration spilled out. I was doing exactly what the book I finished said to avoid. Another big gulp and deep breath, and then I moved beside her. We finished homework and moved to her bed for a tuck in. She still needed to read, so I chose to lay down beside her as she finished the chapter. As I raked her arm, I could not hold back my own tears welling up. Deep breath in and out came the words, "Please don't change. Even when I become frustrated, don't change. Don't change how you see the world, how you draw connections where others see nothing. Don't change how you stop to actually take in the beauty around you. Don't stop putting relationships and looking for the beautiful ahead of every task." I wiped the tears away from my eyes and she looked at me and said, "And don't you stop being just like you." All was well in the world.
It is so easy to judge others who do not share similar values as me. So easy to want others to think, do, and prioritize like me. My fear is that my own judgment and criticism will stifle what is beautiful and creative about Maddie and the world will miss the blessings she has to offer. Her mind and spirit are a blessing -- it is the mind and spirit God gave her. My job as parent is to help her embrace her unique design and be a good steward of the gifts she has to give. In the meantime, she is teaching me how to live, love, and laugh with my whole being. I am forever grateful for the unexpected surprise of Twin Baby B.
No comments:
Post a Comment